Shinboku
by YaYugi
Summary: Friendship...Something Ryou Bakura has never truly had. His musings after the Memory Arc.


Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

SHINBOKU

I hate them. I used to care for them…but that is all gone now. I'd done everything that I could to protect them, and I never got a real thank you. I never get the pat on the back.

Once I was accepted. That was just once. I was trusted…once. After all I did, after how hard I tried…and all I got was nothing. I was still shunned. Even as I write this down, I am still shunned. Even after he's gone…

They trusted Malik…they trusted him as soon as he forfeited a card game. I forfeited my life! And as soon as he returned that was gone…gone like he is now. And you know what Yugi _kun_? I'm not happy. I've been alone for so long. All you did was help that loneliness grow. You outstretched your hand with false friendship, promising me I'd be just like the others. I'd be able to help you. And I was stupid enough to accept that. Now I'm in my room, writing this. Alone. If HE was still here I wouldn't be alone. And as much as I had despised him…It was comforting to know he was there. That he needed me…he needed me to carry out his plans to destroy you and that pompous pharaoh you called your other half.

Maybe he was my enemy, but he never left me alone. At first I hated it. I wanted my body back. Now I only wish he was still there, quiet, letting me lead my life until he needed me. So he let me bleed…so he let me pass out unattended…It was your fault, Yugi, your fault I was unattended. If I had real friends, they would have checked on me. I was there for you at Duelist Kingdom, where were you? It's funny, even Malik took care of me more than you did. And he was just using me. Some friendship.

I wanted him…to win. I had worked so hard…and you had let me down so many times…I had wanted you to win. Somewhere, I am glad you won. That bit that you see everyday smiling at you. That bit who talks to you without biting back the words. Your _friend_ is glad that you won. But your friend is dying, Yugi _kun_, he's being pushed away…he's being murdered by your ignorance, by your group.

You think you were the only one touched by your other half. You, who has gained so much confidence, so much unity from dealing with that sad excuse for a ruler…well, guess what. You didn't save someone. They saw the truth and they're calling it out. Friendship, the universal way of exclusion! And I didn't even need Malik to tell me this offhandedly while he was at my apartment, hanging out…unlike someone else I know. Tell me this Yugi _kun_, how was it that some person you had met…weeks before knew more about what happened in Memory world than someone who rescued you from the same person who was attacking you then. So what if I was on his side…you didn't know…and you still don't. How can you trust someone who tried to kill you over someone who killed himself for you!

I'm sick of being your little shield, the one that is cast off so quickly when the battles become out of your favor and you need that extra hand. I'm sick of wanting to save your pathetic life. You of all people should have understood my seclusion. You who was constantly bullied…but no, as soon as you gain friends that is all gone. I wish you had left me alone. It's worse like this. I thought I was actually going to belong. You got my hopes up…no…no…I got my hopes up. It was from my stupidity, my willingness to have at least one friend…he knew. I should have listened to him…He might have needed me, if he had won…but now…I…

I have to face it. I'm alone. I will always be alone. No use to pretend…to play the games with you. They aren't really that fun anymore anyway. I can see it in their eyes now…even after it's done. They don't trust me. I don't know what I did…all I tried to do was protect you. So what if I used the Ring for that maze? It got us out alive didn't it? Without it, we would have been walking in circles to our deaths. Don't deny it, you know…but it was just that. I used that accursed item; well guess what…you did too! All the items…all the items are cursed. And I know, I knew. It is impossible not to know when one had the Darkness in their mind. I figured something had happened to him in his past…and it was plain as day that it was tied to your precious little other half. I will admit it surprised me when I was right, Malik was kind enough to tell me the stories in full, just as you were so kind to tell him while telling me not to worry…that he was gone.

Gone…Yugi, what would you do if one of your family members died tomorrow? What would you do if one of your prized group members keeled over, dead where they had once stood? Gone…My father was a fool for giving him to me…but you are the bigger fool for taking him away. I was not able to see who killed my mother and sister; I'm not able to see who keeps my father away from me. I can see you though…I can see you clearly. My last line of isolation. If I break you…will I bring him back?

What am I saying! He's not dead. Ha…the thought is too ridiculous to even imagine. Yugi, you had your closure…but what about me? I've just realized…you are completely defenseless now. He thought ahead of your dear pharaoh...yes…He's not gone. Maybe…maybe your friends see it. That is why they are so wary of me. Why Malik is my companion…I see it now. Yugi, you really are a fool. You took me under your _glorious_ wing, telling me lies, trying your best to keep me under your finger. You are the most trusting of the whole group. I see his plan now. It is so clear. And do you want to know why, Yugi _kun_?

It is my plan…I am him.


End file.
